Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The marriage thing was probably fueled by the Firefly episode Trash.

I'd been instant messaging this girl from the internet who I sort of knew, but not really. She was going to be in this part of the country, and wanted to visit and if possible stay overnight to save costs. I was nervous about this. We were still in Randolph 110, so I made up a lie about having to tell the RA a week in advance and it was just too late to arrange something. She cried and moaned, and eventually I agreed to pay for a motel for her and her friends (oh yeah, she was bringing friends) to stay in.
One of her friends called in advance to say if I had everything ready for the wedding, because this girl was expecting me to propose to her when she got there. Instead of being "I don't swing that way!" I acted like I expected this and said "No, I don't have a ring! I can give her this needlework I made her!" Then I remembered that Amanda had given me her engagement ring for safekeeping after Gray proposed. I thought "Maybe if I use it this once I can get whats-her-name (she was never named) to give it back to me before the wedding."
So I met her at the door, down on one knee and gave her the ring, but I never actually asked if she would marry me.
Let me describe the room we were in. Imagine for a sec Randolph 110. Only the bunk bed was back farther against the wall where the bathroom should be, and the bottom bunk was covered in a tarp. The door was over by Erin's bed, but Erin's bed was gone and a table with a lit candle on it was there in its place. Where my desk was there was a white couch, and where my bed was there was a hallway and a staircase.
Whats-her-face was excited to receive the ring, I explained the conditions of it and she said "That's fine! But why didn't you buy me my own?" I told her I didn't have enough money, but eventually I would. Her friend came rushing out of the hallway and said "We have to hide, your old boyfriend is after us!" to whats-her-face who I am now going to call Sandra because I'm sick of typing that. Sandra looked at me, horrified, and begged me to hide her. I winced because this would not be good if the RA found out, but I did anyway. I went over to the bunk bed and removed the tarp. The bed was hollow, and filled with all sorts of wires. It was divided into two parts, each as big as a coffin and stretching out towards the bathroom. Except the bathroom was no longer there, just a brick wall. So there were two compartments, filled with red and blue wires, each big enough for a person to lie down in. I put Sandra and her friend in these compartments. Suddenly they turned into Torg and Gwynn from Sluggy Freelance. I was outside the tarp but I could see what was going on inside. Gwynn (formerly Sandra) had to get her ipod shuffle through the compartment to Torg (formerly Sandra's female friend) before the guys got there. The shuffle was out of battery, so they worked out a way to charge it using the wires. The ipod had whalesong on it. The boyfriend burst in, with a bunch of guys with guns (he worked for the mafia) and demanded to speak to me. I sat down on the white couch and thought "The RA is going to KILL me!"
Then I woke up.

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