Sunday, January 24, 2010

Eeeeevil Russians.

So I was going to this party with my parents and sister, this giant picnic with a ton of people I don't know. I brought my laptop to keep myself amused, though I didn't know if I'd be able to plug it in. In the car, before we left the driveway, Dad turned around and lectured me about putting my laptop in my normal backpack instead of it's special backpack. I told him I haven't used a "normal" backpack in years, and showed him the HP on the bag to prove it to him.
Once at the picnic, I left my parents and mingled a bit. The picnic was on a huge expanse of grass outside someone's house. I don't get a chance to set up my laptop, because I ran into some eeeevil Russians. One of them was short and shiny, like Astroboy but without pointy hair. The other looked like the evil woman from Matilda, if you combined her with the Russian lady from Indiana Jones 4. The short guy was showing off this knife he got, that he called the "knife of the Gods" (I think I may have been discussing God of War a bit too much. :P) It was magic, and would only cut what the owner wanted it to cut, and not cut what he didn't. It was also really sharp. He was balancing it on one finger, confident that it wouldn't cut him, but then it slipped and nearly sliced his finger off. I reached out and grabbed it by the handle. He thanked me for catching it for him, but I knew he was an eeeeevil Russian and I had to stop him, so instead I sliced him a bit across the chest, shoved the knife in my backpack and ran while he was distracted. I can run really fast in dreams. I remember being concerned about where I'd put the knife, in the inside pocket of the second pocket in my backpack. That pocket already has a small hole in it, and that knife was very, very sharp. But since I was now the owner, it of course did not just cut it's way through the bag. I went into the house, which turned out to not be the teeny little rancher it looked like. It was built into the side of a hill, and it was 5 enormous flights of stairs to reach the ground level. I took the stairs 4 at a time and stayed just one flight of stairs ahead of the large Russian woman who had started chasing me. I exited the building and kept running in no particular direction. The woman stopped chasing me. I heard her shout some instructions into a phone, "Watch all of the houses of her nearby family, she can't run very far, keep her away from anywhere safe!" She got into a car, but like I said, I run really fast in dreams. I was in the area around Fredericksburg, so nearby family meant the Ashland crowd. I knew of a house that they didn't, though. I went there via a crazy route, with all kinds of one-way streets to bamboozle those in cars. I found the house and knew exactly where to hide, though it was based on no one's house in real life. Through the front door, the kitchen, down a hallway, into a basement, into a room off the basement, into a small closet. I'd hidden in this closet before. But now the owners of this house had installed a sun door right across from the entrance, so it was much easier to find. I knew I had just maybe 20 minutes until they found the house. I opened my backpack and removed the knife to hide it in the closet somewhere. I looked among the shelves, not finding any decent hiding spot, but then I heard the door open and I shoved the knife behind a crockpot, next to a tool box. I crouched down on the floor and started hugging my backpack protectively, hoping that I could fool her into thinking that it was still in there. As I suspected she would, she found the closet, and found me. She commanded me to open my backpack, but then she noticed that it was already opened, and I must have taken the knife out. I tried not to look nervous, and instead to look a little confident that I'd fooled her into thinking that it wasn't in my backpack. She took down the tool box and looked through it, then put it back. She threatened me with horrible torture, and offered me a gift card to Walmart if I cooperated. I refused. Just then, the sun moved, and the light shined off of the blade of the knife. She removed the tool box, and dropped it on top of me. I shielded myself from falling wrenches and hammers with my sturdy backpack, still containing my laptop. She grabbed the knife, and held it out in front of me. I was it's owner still, so I grabbed it by the blade without cutting myself and turned it on her. I stabbed her in the back. Her flunkies rushed forward to help her instead of stopping me, and I ran away from the house again.
Then I got a call on my cell phone from my sister, who Mom was talking through. "Emily, Mom needs a name and a phone number for whoever you're staying with." I was about to say "I can't, I'm on the run." But I couldn't say it. I realized that I couldn't because I would wake Erin up if I spoke.
This realization of course caused me to wake up.

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