Monday, August 17, 2009
Of course Walmart employees have a hivemind!
Meredith, my sister, my cousin Julia and I were at this party for adults, and we were very bored. I thought we should do something crafty, so I asked my mother to give us money and a ride so we could get some clay from the craft store. Mom at first protested, but then I insisted that Julia was bored and needed something to do, so she relented. We got on the Fred to go to Walmart, my sister thought it would be cheaper there, and my mom had warned her to keep me out of Joann's lest I buy about 13 tons of sewing supplies. We found the stuff in the aisle, but they only had orange, brown and blue polymer. I wanted some pink and white. I started to ask a guy about inventory. We got into a fight about Walmarts in general and how they are bad, when his eyes turned red and he cackled and said "You need to speak to the manager!" He led me to the back of the store where I saw a lot of people, employees and shoppers, all red-eyed zombies shuffling towards an "employees only"door. I heard rumbling from in there and realized that all of the Walmart employees were being mind controlled by an evil hive mind and now they were capturing customers! I enacted a daring escape involving several kung-fu moves that I don't know, and lots of running. I got on the Fred (for now we were in Central Park) and realized that the bastards had stolen my new purse. And everything that was in it. But I couldn't go back. So when the Fred stopped at the hotel where the party was, I was reprimanded by my mother for not only failing to procure the product but for LEAVING MY PURSE WITH ALL OF MY MONEY AND MY CELL PHONE AND MY NEW GLASSES at the store! She didn't listen to my (very good) excuse and sent me upstairs, where I found Meredith's room and we sat talking. Meredith excitedly showed me a new device she'd procured, a vacuum cleaner that also functioned as a collapsable toilet. I told her that was very nice and went to bed. 3 hours later I "woke up" and realized that I have to get up early to go to my 9:00 phys ed class. So I set my alarm, heard Erin mutter something about how my alarm is really loud, and then I woke up for real.